For Girls.

Last Friday night, during my telethon, I suffered a little bit of a set-back. I heard someone taking a shower, then staying in the bathroom, then in Ken's room walking back and forth. Well, I'm REALLY good at math, and after I put two and two together I determined that he must be going out for the evening (at 9pm...hmmmm....). So, I hurried up and took Puddy out, because I didn't really want to know if he went out or not. I figured if I took him out now, and didn't take him out again until the next morning, then I would never really know what happened.

Puddy and I are coming back from out walk, and right when we turn the corner, Ken backs up in his truck and leaves. (And he woke me up walking around in his bedroom at 2:30am, which is when he probably got home after having all kinds of fun with people who AREN'T me.)

So, I got a little bit hysterical. I tried to calm myself down, and once I did, I called Jennifer. What happened next was the strangest yet funniest conversation we've ever had.

We talked about tampons.

More specifically, we talked about the tampons I just recently purchased.

You should know that usually I have a hard time buying tampons. So many brands, so many choices....Light, Heavy, Super Heavy, Medium, Super Duper wow-you-might-need-stitches....Anyways....I'm shopping around, and I decide on Playtex Sport.

Yes, I was very intrigued by the whole "Sport" option. So, I bought 'em. When I opened 'em up, the first thing I noticed was that they were in a green wrapper. Weird. Usually tampons are in a white wrapper. But hey, I thought, maybe finally I can "go green"!! :)

The second thing I noticed was that each tampon wrapper had some sort of inspirational saying. Yes, you read that correctly. These little bits of wisdom include things like:

"Work it out."
"Dance to your own beat."
"Don't cry, get back in the game.
"Bring it on."
"Just go."
"Game on."
"Keep your eyes on the ball."
"Focus Focus Focus."

And let's not forget strangest one:

"Neither one of us are giver uppers."

Excuse the pun, but WHAT IN THE BLOODY HELL IS THAT ABOUT?!?!?!

So, a rousing conversation ensued between Jennifer and myself. Whose va-jay-jay needs reading material?? And if you're going to try to inspire my privates at that special time of the month, maybe you should opt for more practical advice, like:

"At least he didn't get you pregnant."
"That's not your period instructing you to kill, that's Jesus."
"Go forth and bleed."
"Suck it up. It's what tampons do."
"Swim all you want. And you can go horseback riding, too."
"You really dodged a bullet THIS time, didn't you, you slut."
"Do it now and you're sure to get off with probation."
"Hope you weren't wearing white pants."
"Oops, I'm early!!"
"Better late than NEVER!"

Of course, there were many many many more that we came up with that I can't remember. I do remember that many were WAY grosser than what I've mentioned here.

Jenn and I can out-gross ANY man ANY time. :)