A New Attitude!

Happy New Years Eve, everyone! As you can tell from my previous couple of posts, I've been having a bit of a hard time recently.

Well, I decided this afternoon (after a 3 hour nap that I desperately needed), that I needed a little bit of an attitude adjustment. Sure, I've had a lot of shitty luck in the relationship department. But what am I gonna do? I can't obsess about Ken anymore. It's going to be hard, and there are going to be moments when I spontaneously burst into tears, but what the hell.

People always talk about these "milestones" that you reach in life. Puberty, college, marriage, children, retirement, and then, I guess, death. I did things a little bit backwards, but I'm about to reach one of those milestones, and it's about damn time I got excited about it!

Adjusting is hard, I won't lie. I have so much free time now that I'm not drinking, and it's hard to get motivated most of the time because I'm so damn tired, but I think the best thing to tackle that is maybe a little bit more exercise, and just better time management. I should use the next 7 months really cleaning some stuff out, and letting go of some things. I should have done that when I moved, but I didn't.

So, I'm done being depressed. I don't want to lose anymore time feeling sorry for myself. I'm going to try to focus my energy on taking care of myself and my baby, and trying to prepare myself for being the best mommy I can be. I've spent most of my life putting other people before myself, and now is the time where I should REALLY be doing that! If I don't hear from my BD, then I'll find a lawyer who will take care of all of that for me. Ken, well...Ken is Ken. I have to take that one day at a time. But I think it probably makes more sense for me to focus on my life and my child rather than focus on him.

Of course, my hormones are still crazy-dope-insane, and they will be for awhile, but I'll just have to deal with that. (I just cried hysterically while watching the end of "Practical Magic"...I'm pathetic!)

I wasn't sure what I was going to do tonight for the holiday. My friend, Fred (I posted about him a couple of months ago) was maybe going to come over to hang out with me for New Years. It was pretty awkward when I had to tell him I was pregnant. Nothing sours a new relationship faster than realizing that the girl you just met and might be interested in is pregnant! However, he seems to still want to keep in touch. I don't know about any romantic feelings there (bottom line is that I'm still in love with someone else, and I'm pretty sure it's going to take me a while longer to get passed that), but right now I can use all of the friends I can get.

However, I haven't heard from Fred yet, and I'm really thinking about heading over to Jennifer's. She has cheese blintzes. :) One thing that I know is that I don't have to spend the holiday sitting on my couch, watching "I Love New York", and feeling sorry for myself. Unless, of course, that's what I want to do. :)