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Dear Tiffanie,

We've lived together for a couple of weeks now, so I think it's time that we evaluate how this cohabitation is going, and I think it's time that you realized a couple of things about me.

• I really am having a good time. You play with me a lot, and you give me treats. I like that.
• With that being said, my name is PUDDY. Not "Pudster", "Pudmeister", "Burrito Breath", or "Puddylicious". It's Puddy. P-U-D-D-Y.
  
• I appreciate the fact that you leave the TV on for me when you disappear for long periods of time. However, I do NOT enjoy "Top Chef" as much as you do. Nor am I interested in learning anything from the History Channel. If you're gonna leave it on, at least put it on Spike or some other channel that promotes half naked babes.
• I really hate it when you're on your stupid computer. It means you have one less hand to rub me with.
• I know I'm cute, and I NEVER get tired of hearing you tell me this.
• You know when I jump up and "accidentally" get my paw stuck down the front of your shirt? Well, that's no accident, baby.
• You seem to be under the impression that you can sing. That's cute.
• I've almost forgiven you for taking me to the groomers and having me shaved. Almost.
  
• That GhostHunter show rocked my world, and scared the beejezus out of me. I'm dog enough to admit that. You'll notice that the night we watched that was the night I didn't leave the bed for the entire night.
• Speaking of the bed, please don't be offended if I don't stay the entire night curled up next to you. When we go to bed, I like to snuggle. Then when it's apparent you're asleep and won't be rubbing me anymore, I like to go get on my comfy chair in the living room. It has nothing to do with you, I just need my space. It's not you, it's me. And that's NOT a line!
  
• I hate it when you have to go to Work. I'm not sure what this "Work" thing is, but I know that it means you're going to be away for a long time. And I can also tell that you never want to go there. Why can't you just stay home? Am I not cute enough? What if I promised to stay the ENTIRE night in your bed? (okay, that was a low blow, but you've fallen for that line in the past..so sue me)
• I know what the Neosporin and Bactine look like. You'll never get near me with those things again, bitch.
  
• I forgive you for rolling over on me the other night, causing me to yelp.
• I love you and I'm very happy.